Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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