Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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