There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize