Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
