Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
