just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
