He disabled his match.com account in front of me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
