She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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