I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize