Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
should my penis look like a turkey
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
