Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
