i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
