The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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