new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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