I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You were trust falling into bushes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
