I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
