The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
