Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
