This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize