She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
