Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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