Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
