Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
