do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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