did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
