I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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