Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
