But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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