i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
