i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
