I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
