your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
