i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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