that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
