pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Someone shit on the floor
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
