Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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