I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
