i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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