If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
