I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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