Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
