R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Of course I have a pirate flag
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
