Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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