I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
