You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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