so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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