i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
