the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
