I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So squirting runs in the family.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
