Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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