When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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