Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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