i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize