My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
