Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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