So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
