I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
