Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize