he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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