her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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