It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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