Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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