Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
