you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
