Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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