a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize