Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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