we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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