My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm too high and old for this...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
