We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
