At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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