My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
