sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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