the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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