she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I could make wine with my vomit
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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