Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
